You’d think that after a long day sleep would just happen. When I was a kid I could nod off anywhere with a half-eaten biscuit in my hand but now I get into bed, get all comfy and then my brain goes into overdrive. It’s like my brain waits all day to do this. Why can't it happen mid-afternoon when I am not trying to sleep and can deal with these thoughts? These are just some of the unhelpful thoughts that keep me awake at night!
The first thing that always happens is that I will get a sudden panic about the front door. I could’ve watched myself lock it with my own two eyes but the second I’m tucked in bed the doubt kicks in. Did I lock it? Are you sure? and there I am, dragging myself downstairs just to find everything perfectly secure. As I shuffle back upstairs, I always tell myself next time I'll trust myself but I never do!
Then comes the sleep maths. I don’t know who invented the habit of counting how many hours you’ll get if you fall asleep right this second but I’d like to have a firm word with them and tell them they're stupid. I’ll lie there staring into the dark thinking, if I fall asleep now, I’ll get seven hours and fourteen minutes, then ten minutes pass and it's only seven hours and four minutes and then I start stressing about the stress of stressing about sleep, which definitely doesn’t help!
Just when I think I’ve calmed myself down, pops the classic what if the alarm doesn’t go off? So I check it. Then I check it again. Then I start worrying that I had set it for the wrong day or accidentally set it for 7pm instead of 7am because apparently that’s something I would do despite never having done it in my entire life. Then I double-check the volume even though it’s loud enough to wake the entire street and probably the next one over.
My brain will then suddenly decide it’s the perfect time to remind me of everything on tomorrow’s to-do list. One minute I’m thinking about what to wear tomorrow, what jobs I have to do and the next minute I’m planning on how great it would be to go on a walk and see the sun rise. It’s an absolute fantasy, because if I struggle to get up at 7.30am now, I doubt I would ever get up to see the sun rise.
By now you’d think I’d know what my house sounds like. We've lived here about 6 years but every little crack or thud becomes a full paranormal investigation. Instead of sleeping, I’m lying there trying to convince myself that it’s probably just the pipes while also remembering that creepy TikTok I watched earlier like an idiot.
Then one of two things will happen: I will either get a little bit thirsty or need the toilet. I don't want to get out of bed for either and will lay there waiting to see if it's just my brain playing tricks. If I just ignore it, maybe the feeling will go away but it never does. I will get up, have a drink and make sure to go to the toilet because I know I better do it then or I will need it after I get comfy in bed again. lol.
When I get back into bed, I’m wide awake again, refreshed by the walk to the bathroom. Our bathroom is downstairs at the back of the house so it's quite a trek. Then the whole cycle starts again: sleep maths, alarm panic, random thoughts and house noises! What fun! If your brain also throws out these unhelpful thoughts at bedtime, just know you’re very much not the only one lying there having a full conversation with yourself. One day I will be like my fella who manages to fall asleep quite easily. As soon as his head hits the pillow, he's out for the count!
Do you fall asleep easily?
No, and I kind of smiled with recognition reading your post. I totally get it. My brain is the same. I' try listening to Nothing much happens to keep my brain occupied while I try and get to sleep, and it kind of helps!
ReplyDeleteI think we can all relate to some or part of this . Years ago I read a book about memory and one of the tricks the author suggested using to remember if something is locked or turned off, etc. is to picture your face in the lock as you lock it, or in the socket as you unplug something. Somehow this works for me.
ReplyDeleteOh girl- this really resonated with me- sometimes it takes me a bit to fall asleep and other times it happens quickly. My issue is that I wake up most nights. I used to be up for two hours at a time but it has become less lately probably because of my regular exercise but I just wish I could sleep through the night!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, why do we do this to ourselves? I like to get into bed, get comfy, and challenge myself not to move a muscle, because if I keep moving around, and don't fall asleep quickly, I'll never get comfortable. Then my toe will itch, my arm will fall asleep, and I'll have to pee...and if you've ever had a UTI, you know when you have to go, you should go. All the worries of the day come alive when I'm trying to fall asleep, but I also get some really good ideas, but I draw the line at getting up and writing them down! (We had a new grand baby born yesterday, I was rather worried all day, as the labor went on and on, then my son texted they were ready to have a baby, all dilated, then two hours later I hadn't heard anything...finally she was born! I used up all my worrying and slept so well last night!)
ReplyDeleteI wish! I slept between 1:03 am and 2:37 am today. Otherwise I just rested, laying there. I keep low level music on for white noise (classical music) so that the awake hours don't take over my thinking.
ReplyDeleteI actually do fall asleep pretty easily... but only if I can watch TV. I put something mindless on that I've seen a bunch of times (lately it's been Grace & Frankie) and then set the sleep timer for 30 minutes and rarely make it that far. It helps turn my brain of otherwise I do much of the same as you (though not the alarm worry as I pretty much never set an alarm).
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in these thoughts. I do fall asleep very easily in my recliner after lunch, with the news on TV in front of me. But at night, yes, that can take a little longer.
ReplyDeleteI'm learning to pray when I can't get to sleep. I give God everything that wants to bother me and just choose to believe He is taking care of it all and He wants me to sleep. That tends to work well for me.
I hear you! I definitely used to have these issues when I was working and totally stressed out but thankfully these days I can usually get to sleep ok. Staying asleep not so much - I always wake at least once if not twice a night and I try very hard to convince myself that I do not need to get up for the toilet lol
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, YES!! This is 100% me too 😂. Meanwhile, my husband can roll over and immediately fall asleep. It drives me insane.
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to all of this, but I don't know that I would do well to have to walk far to go to the bathroom at night, ha! Sleep issues seems to be a common problem for so many of us.
ReplyDeleteHey!! I am unfortunately not a good sleeper. I have insomnia TERRIBLE. I am actually on 4 hours of sleep now. Perimenopause made it a lot worse. I keep hoping one night it will change. :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate to all this during the day because I'm a constant worrier, but gratefully, when it's time to go to bed, I'm out like a light in minutes. Every now and then I'll have trouble sleeping, and It is so miserable laying there and waiting for sleep to come. I'm sorry this happens to you so much.
ReplyDeleteLOL... I do the sleep maths often! I have a bathroom attached to my bedroom, so no trekking to the toilet. Most nights, I sleep through the night without getting up. I usually wake up before the alarm goes off (or the cats wake me up!). I'm retired now and try not to schedule things too early, so sleeping though an alarm isn't usually an issure, anyway. I enjoyed the post, Kim, and do get it!! LOL
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