I always feel guilty asking people for advice. I really appreciate it when it is given to me but I think it's because I am not the best at giving it myself. It’s an odd contradiction! You’d think that someone who loves listening to advice would have picked up a knack for giving it back but no! This isn't a blog post asking for any advice or anything like that, all is good here. It was just one of those things I was laid in bed thinking about and thought I would write about it.
I think part of the reason I’m terrible at giving advice is that I know how complicated life can be. Everyone’s problems and worries are different and no one else fully understands but the person living it. I want to be that person who offers the right words at the right moment, the wise friend whose pearls of wisdom sparkle but the truth is when someone asks me what they should do my thoughts go into overdrive. What if I suggest something and they do it and it somehow ruins their day/life/relationship? By the time I’ve thought through all the possible outcomes, the conversation has usually moved on.
Even though I’m rubbish at advice giving, I love getting advice from others. Sometimes I don’t even want advice that’s practical or logical, I just want to hear another perspective, a different way of thinking about whatever mess I’m in or things that I am fretting over. There’s something good about sharing your struggles and hearing that someone else has been there too or that they see a sliver of light where you only see darkness. When I get advice, it’s not always about finding the right answer but about feeling supported. I think part of why I love hearing advice is the variety of it all. Everyone’s experiences and perspectives are different so even if ten people give you advice on the same problem you’ll probably hear ten different takes on it and somewhere in all of that might be the piece of wisdom that clicks perfectly for you.
Why is it so hard for me to give good advice? I know all too well that what worked for me won’t necessarily work for someone else. Advice isn’t a one-size fits all kind of thing but that said, I’m working on getting a little better at giving advice or at least being more comfortable offering it when asked. I’ve realised that people often aren’t expecting you to have all the answers sometimes, they just want a different perspective, a bit of encouragement or even just a listening ear.
If you ever find me stumbling over my words when you ask for advice sometimes I just can't find the words but I am trying and I do care! Are you good at offering advice or do you second guess yourself like me?
People who like doling out advice must love you Kim! It's great when someone actually appreciates one's (onsolicited) advice : ))
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting perspective! Do you ever listen to Kendra Adachi‘s “The Lazy Genius“ podcast? She had one a while ago that talked about how much she loves to give advice and that is how she found her calling. I had never really thought about it…but maybe It is a gift that some people have? Like you, I really do like hearing different perspectives on problems, but I have found that there are certain people that I just don’t want advice from. One reason I enjoy blogs so much is all of the advice/ideas/perspective that I get from all different kinds of people. But you are right, not everyone’s situation is the same and what works for one may not work for another…but it may so it’s not fair to withhold your advice/opinion if someone asks it – it might be exactly what they need!
ReplyDeleteI think this is when discernment comes in – I don’t know too many people in the world that have it, but when you find someone with it, they are a great person to know :)
This resonated with me but do you want to hear what is funny? People love getting my advice. I am happy to give advice and help in any way I can. I have always asked, "I am great at giving advice and helping everyone else work through their problems but why do I have so much trouble with my own problems?" ha!
ReplyDeleteWell, you’ve been amazing at listening to me over the years lol!
ReplyDeleteI don’t think it’s about having all the answers, just being there and supporting someone means everything. xx
I have had countless folks seeking advice through the years and while I do not feel I am any wiser than anyone else, some have returned at a later date for more, so I must be at least medium good, right? There is no wrong advice except maybe "no just speed up when the police want you to pull over!" LOL. Advice is really just your perspective on the situation, and most of us seeking advice just need to hear someone else's voice saying what we might have already thought about....sorry to be late getting back around, we have been hatching baby chicks these past few days. Visiting from #MMBC
ReplyDeleteI think some people have a knack of knowing the right words to say/advice to give and it doesn't come so easily to others. At least that's how I see it. I don't care for giving advice. I try to give encouragement more than advice. That way the person knows that you care even if you can't give good advice.
ReplyDeleteI think giving advice can definitely be tricky. It helps to be able to listen and help the person arrive at an answer without too much input of your own. Being cautious is not a bad thing Kim.
ReplyDeleteI love the rainbow!
ReplyDeleteI'm a nurse and am frequently asked for medical advice. That kind of advice is kind of second nature, but for other things, I often overthink about what I said later. I like what Jayne said - just listening and supporting means so much.
Actually I don't think that's odd at all... mostly because I LOVE to give advice but rarely listen to it! LOL. Though I do always either end or start with the "this may not work for you but.." or "but you need to do what feels right to you."
ReplyDeleteI often find it hard to give advice. I'm always second guessing myself wondering if it's really what the person wants to hear.
ReplyDeleteI am okay about asking for advice, but I have trouble asking for help (two different things). As for giving advice, I often just say that "this" worked for me. You are right that it doesn't always work for everyone. Great post, Kim!
ReplyDeleteOh, this is a good thought provoking post. I like it!!!! Hmm.. I often find myself always giving advice because I am in ministry and counseling so it comes naturally to me. Unfortunately, I have a habit of giving advice when it really isn't wanted because I am always in that mode. My word for the year is "quiet" and I have been trying so hard to pause and really listen and see if my advice is asked for besides just spewing it out because of my natural instinct to do so. My kids are probably appreciating it. LOLOL!!! Just the other day our daughter was having an issue at work and was venting and began to give advice on how I think she should handle it and then I stopped and said to her that I apologize that she wasn't asking for my advice and she said she appreciated it and just needed an ear to listen to her vent.
ReplyDeleteI also like to get advice!!! :)
I have always been the type of person that people come to for advice. I always joke that I'm a locked vault because I know everyone's secrets. So I guess I'm used to doling out advice. I do love getting advice, too, so I'm also one to ask for it.
ReplyDeleteAs a mom of many kids, I see that each one is different and what worked with one didn't work with another, so I know that there aren't one-size-fits-all answers to everything. But certain things are non-negotiable, so if someone wants advice about dealing with kids, I'd say get yourself in check first, it never helps to straighten out a child when you're upset or impatient. Also to forgive, no matter what, because then you yourself will be forgiven. I like getting advice, helps not to be so narrow minded. I love reading blogs and getting to see things from other perspectives. This was a really thoughtful post, thank you!
ReplyDeleteI hope you're okay! Most of the time, people don't need advice; they need someone to listen to them. That's why I'm practicing to be an active listener rather than focusing on giving advice.
ReplyDeletehttps://embracethepandemonium.wordpress.com/