Parenting Teenagers: Things I thought I’d never say out loud but did!

Before I became a parent, I knew I’d say some strange things. I’d heard other mums shout "Get that out of your nose!" or "The cat does not want to wear a nappy!" and I assumed that phase would end with toddlerhood but how naive I was!

Parenting teenagers introduces you to a whole new world of bizarre sentences, things that leave your mouth before your brain can even catch up and often the moment you say them, you pause, blink and think did I really just say that out loud?

Here are some of my favourites. All real. All said out loud.

"Snapchat is not an excuse for being late."

“Oh, sorry, I had to finish my Snap streak.” Imagine explaining that your boss at work when you are late, apparently for my youngest it is a valid excuse for being late!

"Yes, I am listening. I’m just trying to Google what you just said."

The teen slang changes weekly. I once thought rizz was a new fizzy drink. It’s not and “drip” is apparently a compliment now.

"We do not microwave socks."

Yes, it happened!! Cold feet plus laziness apparently equals a singed pair of fluffy socks and a microwave that smelled of burnt polyester for a while. Lovely!

"No, you cannot revise while watching Netflix."

Multitasking has its place but revising for exams while half watching 22 seasons of Grey's Anatomy doesn’t exactly scream academic success.

"You cannot put your phone in the fridge just because it's ‘overheating."

Thinking about it now it was quite a clever solution and I did almost let her but thought better of it.

"How many chargers do you need? You’ve got more cables than NASA."

My girls buy them when they are out and about then come home and lose them, once in a while they'll tidy their bedrooms and find all the wires which ends with a huge pile in the cupboard which all end up getting tangled.

"You cannot live on cereal bars and iced coffee."

They have both tried it and one ended up being sick on the bus after a breakfast of a cereal bar and iced coffee.

"If it smells like feet, clean it or bin it."

Some of the things in my girls bedrooms stink! I refuse to deal with it, they are old enough to sort it themselves.

"No, you cannot wear pyjama bottoms to the shop"

I don't mind too much in the winter when it's dark out but not in the middle of the day when anyone could see. The shame!

"You don’t need a £40 pair of jeans with holes in them. That’s not fashion!"

If I had holes in my clothes I would be made to sew the holes up or throw the item out. Now it's t-shirts, hoodies and of course the ripped jeans!

"No, I’m not texting you from the next room. Come here."

My girls even text each other when they are in the same room, there is no hope.

"Please don’t call your sister/dad/grandad bruv."

I don’t care if everyone else does it. They are not your bruv!

"Yes, you still have to brush your hair, even if you’re not leaving the house."

My girls get extra lazy when we have a day at home.

"Socks with sliders, really?"

When I was younger socks were not to be seen but now my girls wear them with everything including sliders which I just can't get my head around.

Parenting teenagers is chaotic, unpredictable and wildly entertaining and I wouldn't change them for anything even when I do find myself saying the most ridiculous things!

What gems have you said to your little darlings lately?