Exam stress and how to support from the sidelines!

Exam season is starting soon here in the UK. GCSE's, A-Levels, end of year exams and whatever other exams always seem to happen at this time of year. Exam season has a way of taking over the whole house, even when you’re not the one sitting the exams. Suddenly there are revision notes everywhere, the kettle is working overtime and emotions are running a bit high. If you’ve been there you’ll know exactly what I mean. You’re not revising but you’re still very much in it.

I’ve been through exams with my girls and supporting from the sidelines is a strange role. You want to help, you want to fix the stress and you also don’t want to say the wrong thing and make it worse. Over time, I’ve picked up a few handy hints which are mostly through trial and error. This post is about what exam stress really looks like at home, how to support without hovering and the small things that actually help when the pressure is on.

Before I even get into what I do, let’s talk about what exam stress actually looks like because it doesn’t always come across with your kids saying they are stressed. Sometimes it looks like: Snapping over tiny things, suddenly deciding they hate a subject they were fine with last week, bursting into tears because they can't find the right spoon, avoiding revision altogether, trying to revise everything at once and burning out by Tuesday and sometimes it looks like they’re absolutely fine until 11pm when panic suddenly arrives.

One thing I’ve learned is not to dismiss it. Exams feel huge when you’re in them, even if we know as adults that life doesn’t hinge on one paper on a Thursday morning. So acknowledge it and say things like, you know it's hard and it makes sense they're feeling fed up. That alone takes the edge off.

I don’t try to be the teacher!

Early on, I made the classic mistake of trying to help too much. Sitting down with revision guides, asking questions, explaining things the way I understood them. That lasted about five minutes before everyone was annoyed. They don’t need us to reteach algebra or Shakespeare, that’s what school, teachers, YouTube, and revision apps are for. What they need from us is support. Now, my role is more asking what they’re revising today, helping them break things into chunks, being a sounding board when they want to rant about a topic and if they ask for help, great and if not, I stay in my lane.

Focus on progress, not perfection!

One of the biggest stress triggers is the idea that they have to know everything. Every topic, every quote, every formula and that’s just not realistic! So always bring it back to progress. Instead of: You should be revising more, go with: What have you covered today? Instead of: You don’t know that yet? try: You know more than you did last week. Little shifts like that matter. They stop revision feeling pointless and start it feeling doable. Exams aren’t about being perfect, they’re about doing the best you can with what you know on the day.

Food, sleep, and water matter more than we think!

This sounds obvious but it’s the bit people forget first. When exams roll around, routines go a bit wobbly. Late nights revising, skipped meals, living on snacks and caffeine and then everyone wonders why emotions are all over the place. Don’t lecture about health, make sure there’s proper food available, encourage actual meals, not just grabbing biscuits, nudge bedtime when you can and hand over drinks without making a thing of it. A tired, hungry brain is not a helpful brain. Even an extra half hour of sleep can make a difference the next day. I’ve seen it happen.

Help them plan but don’t micromanage!

Revision timetables can either be brilliant or completely ignored. There is no in-between. What’s worked best for us is keeping things flexible. A rough plan rather than a strict schedule. Knowing what they want to revise and not setting times to do it will just create guilt when plans change. What exams are coming up first? What topics feel hardest? What do they already feel OK about? Then prioritise the hard stuff earlier. Easier stuff later and the rest slotted in somewhere. Once the plan exists, step back and it is up to them. If I hover, it becomes my stress, not theirs, and that never ends well.

Talk about nerves before exam day, not just during!

Exam nerves don’t wait politely until the morning of the exam. They creep in days before, especially at night when everything feels louder. So talk about it in advance. What exam day will actually look like, how nerves are normal and expected. That feeling shaky doesn’t mean you’ll do badly. I remind them that nerves are just energy, you can walk into an exam feeling nervous and still do absolutely fine. I also share stories from my own school days. Not in a "back in my day" way but in a "I survived this and you will too" way. It helps them see that this will end.

On exam mornings keep things calm and boring!

Exam mornings are not the time for pep talks or last-minute cramming. Have a normal routine, a calm voice with no big emotional speeches. Say things like, "You’ve done what you can," or "Just do your best and see what happens." Then talk about something completely unrelated. What’s for tea. A TV show. Anything but the exam. They already know it matters. They don’t need reminding at 8:15am.

Get ready for the emotional crash after!

Something I didn’t expect the first time around was the after part. That moment when they come home and everything spills out. Relief, tears, anger, overthinking every answer. From the sidelines, this is when listening matters most. Let them talk, nod, agree that it was tough and then gently steer them away from replaying every question. Once it’s done, it’s done, there’s no prize for suffering twice!

Remind them they are more than their grades!

This is probably the most important bit. Exams can make kids feel like a number, a letter or a result and I never want them to feel like that, so I will tell them that I am proud of the effort, not just the outcome. One exam doesn’t define them. I’ve watched my girls grow through exams. Not just academically but emotionally too. They’ve learned resilience, time management, and how to keep going when things feel hard. Those skills matter far beyond any certificate.

If you’re walking this road with your own kids right now, give yourself some credit. You’re juggling so much and that’s no small thing and when it’s finally done, take a breath, put the kettle on and remember you got through it together and that matters just as much as any result!

Are your kids taking any exams over the next couple of months?

The Wednesday Hodgepodge #50

I hope you are all having a good week. It's Wednesday, which means it's time to join in with the Wednesday Hodgepodge with Joyce who blogs at From This Side of the Pond! Each week there are 6 questions, we answer and then link up. Simple!

1. Egg on your face, putting all your eggs in one basket, a good egg, walk on eggshells, nest egg, or a tough egg to crack...which eggy idiom currently applies to your life in some way? Explain

This one had me staring at the list for a bit because none of them really jumped out at me straight away. If I had to pick one, it would be "walk on eggshells." It's nothing serious and more in a blogging sense. I share lots of my life online and it's a bit of a balancing act. I want to be open and real but there’s also lots that I don't share. Sometimes, when I write I wonder how some people will take it and I, of course, don't want to upset or unintentionally offend someone. So I tweak things, soften things or just leave them out completely. Now and again I will write a whole blog post ranting about something and then just not publish it. It is good to get it all out of my head and written down.

2. April 7th is National Beer Day...are you a beer drinker? If so do you have a favorite? Beer battered fish, beer bread, beer can chicken, beer brats...which one sounds good to you? Have you made any of these?

No, I don't drink beer at all, I am more of a wine or cocktail drinker. Even the smell of beer puts me off. I really don't like the taste or understand how people can enjoy it but I am betting that beer drinkers feel the same about wine.

When it comes to food, I’m not totally anti-beer. I do like beer batter, especially when it comes to fish and onion rings but I had to Google what others were. Beer canned chicken just looks wrong but I do like the look of beer bread and beer brats.

3. Do you have siblings? What's the best thing about being your sibling? If you don't have siblings, what would you say are the pros and cons of being an only child?

I have a brother. He is the best but I am biased. If something breaks, he’s the one who already owns the exact tool needed to fix it and if he doesn’t have one, he knows someone who does. He’s also just really calm in a crisis. I always joke that if anything ever went properly wrong in the world, I’m heading straight to his house because he’d have backup generators, supplies and probably a plan I don’t even know about. He is the type of person you need in your life when things are bad.

4. How do you feel about floral scents in products? Do you have a favorite?

Floral scents aren’t really my thing. Some of them can feel a bit too strong or overpowering and lavender is a big no for me. It’s meant to be calming but it makes me feel sick. If I had to pick something with a floral scent, it would be something really soft that you could hardly smell. Most of the time I’d choose fruity or clean scents over florals.

5. What's one thing in your home that begins with the letter G that you would say is a keeper, something you'll hold on to? Tell us why.

I’d say my Garden bits! I’ve slowly built up a little collection over the years. Pots, tools, little greenhouses, random ornaments and all sorts that live either in the shed or dotted around outside. A few bits came from my dad and other things I’ve picked up myself over time. Every year I end up adding something new and without fail I always seem to lose at least one gardening glove and have to buy another set.

6. Insert your own random thought here.

We are just coming to the end of a 4-day weekend and I am so confused about what day it is. Good Friday felt like a Saturday, Saturday felt like a Friday, Sunday just felt like a Sunday and Monday also felt like a Sunday. I am not complaining though, it has been nice to have my family home and have a relaxing long weekend. I know I am going to be off with what day it is all week. Tuesday will feel like a Monday and so on and just to add to the confusion, my fella Stu has a few days off work, so every day will feel like a Monday, his usual day off work. lol

The book was better and I’ve become that person!

I’ve always been jealous of those people who read the book first and then go on to watch the TV or movie based in it. They always seemed so smug, like they know something the rest of us don't. They get to say things like "That didn’t happen in the book," or "They completely changed that character," and I had to believe what they were saying because I was never one for books. The only time I read the book before seeing the movie was the last 2 Harry Potter books and even then I already knew what the characters were like from watching the first few movies.

Now that audiobooks are in my life, it has changed everything. I am listening to them every chance that I get and so far, have listened to some great ones. In fact, I feel really lucky that every book I have chosen, I've enjoyed. One day I started listening to The Flat Share by Beth O’Leary. I didn’t know anything about it, I hadn’t heard the hype, I didn’t even know it existed before I pressed play and started listening.

The story is about Tiffy Moore and Leon Twomey, two complete strangers with opposite schedules who agree to share a one-bedroom London flat and the same bed without ever actually meeting. Tiffy uses the flat at night after a breakup leaves her desperate for somewhere affordable, while Leon, a palliative care nurse working nights, sleeps there during the day. They communicate entirely through Post-it notes, slowly building a connection while dealing with their own messy lives, emotional baggage, and in Tiffy’s case, an ex-boyfriend who is way more than just a bit annoying.

When I was writing a blog post, I Googled the name of the book to make sure I had the author correct and that’s when I discovered it had been made into a TV show. For Channel 5 of all places. I hadn’t seen a trailer or anyone mention it, it had completely passed me by. Suddenly I was excited because this was my moment. I had finally done it the right way round, the book before the TV show. Watching the TV version after listening to the book was such a strange experience, in a good way. I wasn’t annoyed or rolling my eyes every five minutes, I was more curious! The TV show gets the heart of the story but it did feel different.

Tiffy, for example, in the book you hear all the little doubts she brushes off, the way she laughs things away, the way she slowly realises that her past relationship wasn’t just a bit rubbish, it actually did some damage. On screen, she’s still warm and likeable but she feels more confident early on. Leon is where I really noticed the change. In the audiobook his voice is such a big part of who he is. Those short sentences, the pauses, the way he thinks. On TV, he’s still kind and gentle but without hearing his thoughts, he becomes a bit more average when, in the audiobook Leon has something extra. The relationship itself also feels different. In the book, everything takes its time with the notes, missed chances and waiting around but in the show things move along a bit quicker, which I get. TV has a pace to keep but I did miss that slow build.

By the end of the series, I found myself doing the thing I’d always watched other people do. Comparing, not in a nasty way but just noticing. Understanding why some things were changed, why others were left out but thinking the book did it better. That’s when it hit me. I’ve become one of those people!

The book is deeper, the audiobook especially. The TV show is comforting and easy to watch and does a decent job of staying true to the story but if you want the full experience, the one that makes you feel a bit wobbly in places, the book wins! If you’d told me a year ago that I’d be sitting there judging a Channel 5 adaptation based on an audiobook I found by accident, I’d have laughed. Yet here we are. Turns out, I just needed to listen instead of read and now I finally get why people love being able to say the book was better!

What book do you think is better than the TV show or movie?

Our weekly meal plan! 6th - 12th April #MealPlanningMonday

Happy Monday! I hope you’ve had a lovely weekend and if you were celebrating Easter that it was filled with all the good stuff. We don’t really celebrate Easter in our house but we had fish and chips on Friday which is a proper Good Friday thing to do and we definitely made the most of all the chocolate. Our weekend was filled with family time, homemade pizza, watching football, a bit of gardening, movies and of course, the usual housework.

All of last week's meals went down really well! We ate everything on the day I had planned so it felt like I was winning at life. My favourite meal was the Peanut Satay Chicken Burger, the satay sauce was amazing, I think the sauce is becoming my new favourite thing and it's crazy to think I probably hadn't eaten it until this year. My family loved the Creamy Chicken Korma With Sesame Seed Chips! They were gutted that there were no leftovers, Becky had planned to have it the next morning after work.

Stu has a few days off work this week and Ellie is of course off college for her Easter break. We have a couple of things planned for later in the week but nothing is set in stone yet so our meal plan might change around a bit. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have ordered a Gousto Box for this week as it never seems to go to plan when we are all home.

On the menu this week we have:

Monday - Gousto meal - Chip Shop Basa & Chip Burger With Curry Sauce!

This one just sounds like a bit of fun and I am sure we have had it before. It’s everything you’d expect from a chip shop tea but shoved into a burger. Crispy battered fish, a soft brioche bun, a pile of chips and then a drizzle of curry sauce over the top. It’s going to be one of those messy meals but those are usually the best kind!

Tuesday - Gousto meal - Smoky BBQ Chicken With Pepper & Corn Salad!

This is a favourite of ours. The chicken gets coated in a sticky BBQ-style mix with tomato paste, Henderson’s relish and smoked paprika, then cooked until it’s all caramelised and smells amazing. It’s served with crispy potatoes and a fresh pepper and corn salad and looks way fancier than it is!

Wednesday - Gousto meal - One Pan Alpine-Style Sausage & Waxy Potato Hash!

This one’s a new meal for us and I already feel that my family is going to love it. It’s a one-pan meal too, less washing up is always a good thing. The sausages and onions get cooked together with crushed potatoes until everything is golden and crispy around the edges. Then it all gets coated in butter and herbs with a bit of thyme and topped with melted cheese.

Thursday - Gosuto meal - Japanese-Style Chicken Thigh Curry Udon Noodles!

Another new meal for us! Thick udon noodles, tender chicken thigh and lots of veg all coated in a rich, katsu-style curry sauce sounds so good and the type of meal that you just sit and slurp your way through.

Friday - I have no idea!

I’m leaving this one completely open because we’ve got plans, we just don’t fully know what they are yet. lol It could be a meal out, a last minute takeaway, or it could be something quick and easy when we get home. Who knows?

Saturday - Stu is going to cook!

I rarely get a Saturday off cooking, so this will be a nice treat! I have no idea what we will be eating but I am betting it's going to be something nice.

Sunday - Pie and mash!

Nice and simple for a Sunday. Pies out of the freezer and home-made mashed potato covered in lashings of gravy!

What are you eating this week?