It's that time of the month again, time to join in with the Share Our Lives bloggers and the prompt is: Staying connected with kids/spouse/significant other! I chose to go with how I stay connected to my girls now that they're older.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned as a mam of two adult daughters it’s that staying connected is about the small everyday things, they really count! The quiet conversations, the shared TV shows and the texts about silly things. Connection doesn’t stop when they stop needing you to tie their shoes or walk them to school, it just changes.
So how do I stay connected to them through all these changes? I’m sharing what works for me and my girls!
Make time, even when life is busy!
Life never seems to slow down. Between work, house stuff and trying to remember what day it is there's always something else that needs doing but I’ve learned that if I don’t make time it won’t magically appear. I always make a point of having a chat with my girls when they get in from work or college or make them come into the kitchen for a chat while I am cooking tea. When they are in for the day, off college or work I always make a point making time to do something with them, I mostly always change my plans so I can spend some quality time with my favourite people.
Respect their independence!
This one’s a bit harder. When they were little they needed me for everything but as they've grown up they need me in different ways, more as a supporter than a director. I’ve learned not to barge into their world but to wait to be invited. Sometimes they want to spend time in their rooms and not downstairs with me and it's OK. I give them room to breathe and let them know I'm there without hovering. It shows I trust them which helps keep the lines of communication open.
Be silly together!
One of the best ways I connect with my girls is through laughter. I’ve been known to send ridiculous memes, attempt TikTok dances (badly) and belt out cheesy pop songs in the kitchen. It breaks the tension, lifts the mood and reminds them that mam is still fun even if she’s wearing slippers and complaining about her back. It could be a TV show, inside joke or complete nonsense, that silliness can build strong bonds.
Listen without fixing unless they ask you to!
This one took me a while to get right. I’m a fixer by nature and want to solve all of their problems. When they come to me upset my brain immediately goes: right here’s what we’re going to do but often they don’t want fixing they want me to listen. A safe place to vent, cry or just talk things out. It takes a lot of practice to listen without jumping in. They know that I am there for them and if they need me they only have to ask.
Share your life too!
Connection is a two way street. I’ve found that when I open up about my own day, my feelings and even my mess ups it encourages them to do the same. I don’t mean oversharing every little stress but letting them see that I’m human too. If I’ve had a bad day I’ll say it. If I’ve learned something the hard way, I’ll share it. It makes our relationship more real not just parent and child but women supporting each other.
Send little check ins!
Texts might seem basic but they’re magic! A quick what are you up to, a funny meme or a how did that thing go today? It shows you’re paying attention. It's not being nosy, it's just letting them know that I care. I send texts, voice notes, snapchat or even cute little handwritten notes.
Keep your traditions alive or make new ones!
Some of our strongest connections come from the traditions we’ve built. Friday night pizza, Saturday evening in front of the TV, crisp sandwiches for lunch on a lazy day or watching a cheesy Christmas film in July. Even as they grow these little rituals them smile and something to look forward to. As the girls have got older the old traditions didn't work anymore so we created new ones that fit our lives now. The point isn’t what you do, it’s that you do it together.
Don’t expect perfection from you or them!
Some days are hard, I'm not going to lie and say we live the perfect life. They can be moody and so can I, we can be tired or they can be busy doing their own thing. There are times I say the wrong thing or miss a cue that one of them is struggling. I’ve learned to say, I got that wrong and sorry.
Staying connected to my daughters as they get older isn’t always easy but it’s one of the greatest privileges of my life. We’re not always in perfect harmony but we’re in it together which matters more than anything.
I am linking up with:
Adrienne from Mom Life with Adrienne.
Dara from Not In Jersey.
Jen from Show me & Sweet tea.
Joanne from Slices of Life.
Sarah from Toronto Sam.
