Exam season is starting soon here in the UK. GCSE's, A-Levels, end of year exams and whatever other exams always seem to happen at this time of year. Exam season has a way of taking over the whole house, even when you’re not the one sitting the exams. Suddenly there are revision notes everywhere, the kettle is working overtime and emotions are running a bit high. If you’ve been there you’ll know exactly what I mean. You’re not revising but you’re still very much in it.
I’ve been through exams with my girls and supporting from the sidelines is a strange role. You want to help, you want to fix the stress and you also don’t want to say the wrong thing and make it worse. Over time, I’ve picked up a few handy hints which are mostly through trial and error. This post is about what exam stress really looks like at home, how to support without hovering and the small things that actually help when the pressure is on.
Before I even get into what I do, let’s talk about what exam stress actually looks like because it doesn’t always come across with your kids saying they are stressed. Sometimes it looks like: Snapping over tiny things, suddenly deciding they hate a subject they were fine with last week, bursting into tears because they can't find the right spoon, avoiding revision altogether, trying to revise everything at once and burning out by Tuesday and sometimes it looks like they’re absolutely fine until 11pm when panic suddenly arrives.
One thing I’ve learned is not to dismiss it. Exams feel huge when you’re in them, even if we know as adults that life doesn’t hinge on one paper on a Thursday morning. So acknowledge it and say things like, you know it's hard and it makes sense they're feeling fed up. That alone takes the edge off.
I don’t try to be the teacher!
Early on, I made the classic mistake of trying to help too much. Sitting down with revision guides, asking questions, explaining things the way I understood them. That lasted about five minutes before everyone was annoyed. They don’t need us to reteach algebra or Shakespeare, that’s what school, teachers, YouTube, and revision apps are for. What they need from us is support. Now, my role is more asking what they’re revising today, helping them break things into chunks, being a sounding board when they want to rant about a topic and if they ask for help, great and if not, I stay in my lane.
Focus on progress, not perfection!
One of the biggest stress triggers is the idea that they have to know everything. Every topic, every quote, every formula and that’s just not realistic! So always bring it back to progress. Instead of: You should be revising more, go with: What have you covered today? Instead of: You don’t know that yet? try: You know more than you did last week. Little shifts like that matter. They stop revision feeling pointless and start it feeling doable. Exams aren’t about being perfect, they’re about doing the best you can with what you know on the day.
Food, sleep, and water matter more than we think!
This sounds obvious but it’s the bit people forget first. When exams roll around, routines go a bit wobbly. Late nights revising, skipped meals, living on snacks and caffeine and then everyone wonders why emotions are all over the place. Don’t lecture about health, make sure there’s proper food available, encourage actual meals, not just grabbing biscuits, nudge bedtime when you can and hand over drinks without making a thing of it. A tired, hungry brain is not a helpful brain. Even an extra half hour of sleep can make a difference the next day. I’ve seen it happen.
Help them plan but don’t micromanage!
Revision timetables can either be brilliant or completely ignored. There is no in-between. What’s worked best for us is keeping things flexible. A rough plan rather than a strict schedule. Knowing what they want to revise and not setting times to do it will just create guilt when plans change. What exams are coming up first? What topics feel hardest? What do they already feel OK about? Then prioritise the hard stuff earlier. Easier stuff later and the rest slotted in somewhere. Once the plan exists, step back and it is up to them. If I hover, it becomes my stress, not theirs, and that never ends well.
Talk about nerves before exam day, not just during!
Exam nerves don’t wait politely until the morning of the exam. They creep in days before, especially at night when everything feels louder. So talk about it in advance. What exam day will actually look like, how nerves are normal and expected. That feeling shaky doesn’t mean you’ll do badly. I remind them that nerves are just energy, you can walk into an exam feeling nervous and still do absolutely fine. I also share stories from my own school days. Not in a "back in my day" way but in a "I survived this and you will too" way. It helps them see that this will end.
On exam mornings keep things calm and boring!
Exam mornings are not the time for pep talks or last-minute cramming. Have a normal routine, a calm voice with no big emotional speeches. Say things like, "You’ve done what you can," or "Just do your best and see what happens." Then talk about something completely unrelated. What’s for tea. A TV show. Anything but the exam. They already know it matters. They don’t need reminding at 8:15am.
Get ready for the emotional crash after!
Something I didn’t expect the first time around was the after part. That moment when they come home and everything spills out. Relief, tears, anger, overthinking every answer. From the sidelines, this is when listening matters most. Let them talk, nod, agree that it was tough and then gently steer them away from replaying every question. Once it’s done, it’s done, there’s no prize for suffering twice!
Remind them they are more than their grades!
This is probably the most important bit. Exams can make kids feel like a number, a letter or a result and I never want them to feel like that, so I will tell them that I am proud of the effort, not just the outcome. One exam doesn’t define them. I’ve watched my girls grow through exams. Not just academically but emotionally too. They’ve learned resilience, time management, and how to keep going when things feel hard. Those skills matter far beyond any certificate.
If you’re walking this road with your own kids right now, give yourself some credit. You’re juggling so much and that’s no small thing and when it’s finally done, take a breath, put the kettle on and remember you got through it together and that matters just as much as any result!
Are your kids taking any exams over the next couple of months?
