It's that time of the month again when I join in with the Share Our Lives bloggers. This month's prompt is: I wish I had known!
I wish I had known is such a simple sentence but it really had me thinking and I found this blog post really hard to write, not because I didn't know what to write, I just had too much! There have been so many "I wish I had known" moments throughout my life.
I wish I had known about my girl's heart defects sooner!
This was the first thing that I thought of. I always wonder and think I wish I had known. For so long, the problems with my girl's hearts went undetected. They were both born with holes in their hearts which needed surgery to fix and are left with leaky valves now. I was just an irrational young mother saying to any health professional that would listen that something wasn't right. The day my youngest was born she was sweating a lot and the nurses said it was normal as it was a warm day, it wasn't normal. My eldest couldn't put weight on, she was skin and bones despite me feeding her as much as she would eat. The health visitor told me to feed her fatty food, all the things that in hindsight probably weren't great for her heart. Then there were the constant chest infections and colds they would catch, all normal, apparently. All of those things were because my girl's hearts were working harder than they should. When the reality finally came crashing down it was overwhelming. The appointments, the specialist visits, the what if's but the relief was amazing too. It turns out mother really does know best. If I’d known I’d have fought harder, asked more questions, pushed for more opinions but hindsight is funny like that. You can’t change what you didn’t know at the time.
I wish I had known that losing things gets worse as you get older!
I honestly thought I would become more organised with age but no! The older I have got, the more I have become that person who puts something somewhere safe and then spends the next hour trying to remember where that safe place is. I find myself looking for my phone when it is in my hand and that thing I was looking for is usually right in front of me. Life now has a built-in treasure hunt. lol
I wish I had known to enjoy time with my girls more when they were younger!
When you are in the thick of it raising little ones, you spend so much time constantly looking ahead to the next big milestone. I was guilty of it when my girls were little. I was always wishing time forward: I couldn't wait until they slept through the night, learnt to walk and talk, I couldn't wait for them to start school and so on. Looking back now that they are older, I miss those younger years. I do wish I had slowed right down and soaked in the magic of those everyday moments while they were happening. The endless bedtime stories, sitting in the park shivering while they happily played, them asking why about everything, the disaster zone of a kitchen after we tried baking together, those days out that felt like such an effort at the time but turned out to be our absolute best family memories and even the arguments over their homework. Now that the house is quieter and they're all grown up, those are the moments I'd give anything to have back just for one more afternoon.
I wish I had known that rest isn't something you have to earn!
Ugh, the guilt that used to come with just sitting down on the sofa for five minutes! For years, I had an invisible checklist running in my head and I wouldn't let myself actually relax until every single job was ticked off. I used to treat downtime like a prize that I had to work hard for. I would make the beds, put a load of washing on and have a quick tidy around before my first cup of tea in the morning. Why? No one was here saying I had to work to have a cuppa. It took me far too long to realise that rest isn't a reward! These days I am trying to be much kinder to myself. If I want to spend an hour just sitting there watching rubbish on TV or scroll on my phone, I do it without the guilt trip. The jobs around the house will always be there after I have relaxed for a little while.
I wish I had known sooner that not everything deserves a reaction!
Learning to bite your tongue is definitely one of those things that seems to come with age because I certainly didn’t have that skill when I was younger! I used to be the sort of person who felt like every little comment, disagreement or bit of drama needed an answer. If someone said something I didn’t like, I’d be straight in there, ready to explain myself and set the record straight. As I’ve got older I’ve realised that not everything needs a response. Sometimes people are looking for a reaction and the best thing you can do is not give them one. These days I let a lot more things slide. In real life, I’ll smile, nod and carry on with my day. Online it’s even easier. I can just ignore it, mute someone or block them. Life is too short to spend your time arguing with people who have already decided what they think anyway.
I wish I had known that being a good mother doesn’t mean being perfect!
Being a good mother doesn’t mean being perfect! I used to put so much pressure on myself to get everything right and compare myself to other mums so much. I always felt like I could be doing more and had a little voice telling me that I could have done something better but the older I’ve got, the more I’ve realised that children don’t need a perfect mam. They need someone who loves them, supports them, listens to them and is there when they need them. I’ve made plenty of mistakes along the way but my girls have never held those against me. They know I love them and they know I’ve always been there for them. That means far more to me than whether I got every single parenting decision right.
I wish I had known how much fun middle age would actually be!
The world tells us that getting older is all downhill and middle age something to dread but no one really talks about the good parts. About the freedom that comes with getting older or the confidence that slowly appears when you stop worrying about the little things. I love being in my 40s. I am comfortable in my own skin, I don't have to impress everyone any more, I have life experience, survived things I once thought I couldn’t and I have become kinder to myself. Middle age isn’t the end, it is just the beginning. Getting older was definitely not something to fear.
What about you? What do you wish you had known?
I am linking up with:
Adrienne from Mom Life with Adrienne.
Dara from Not In Jersey.
Jen from Show me & Sweet tea.
Joanne from Slices of Life.
