The worst British snacks!

Late last year I wrote a blog post about my go-to snacks. You know the comforting ones you grab when you're peckish, bored, avoiding your responsibilities. Those snacks were the good ones but this post is dedicated to the British snacks that make you pause, squint and just wonder why they are even in existence.

Pickled Eggs!

Pickled eggs have been around forever. They're hard-boiled eggs that have been dunked in vinegar and left to marinate until they become pickled. You find them in old school pubs or behind chip shop counters but to me, they look like something from a science lab. Some people love them with a pint. They're rubbery, tangy and smell like they could strip paint!

Battered Mars bars!

Scotland's contribution to the dessert world! On paper, it sounds like a fun idea. A chocolate bar which is battered and deep fried but when you actually bite into one you realise the whole thing is an experience you weren't prepared for. The outside is hot and crispy and the chocolate inside is molten. The batter becomes strangely soggy, like it's confused about what it's meant to be and before you know it, you're drinking warm chocolate through the batter. The only time this snack makes sense is when you're drunk, freezing cold and standing outside a chippy at midnight.

Beef Jerky!

Beef jerky can be good in America but here is a gamble. Half the time it's so tough you feel like you're giving your jaw a workout. The other half is flavoured with something suspiciously labelled smoky BBQ that tastes like it was invented by someone who has never actually eaten BBQ. It's salty, chewy and it sticks in your teeth like it's trying to live there rent free!

Cheese Strings!

Cheese Strings is a childhood snack that tricks you into believing you're eating cheese. They're marketed as fun because you can pull them apart into strings, which is the most exciting part of the whole experience. They taste slightly cheesy, like rubber and bouncy enough to question what percentage is actually dairy. Kids love them but for grown adults, you're basically eating a cheese flavoured candle.

Marmite on toast!

This is the snack that divides the nation. People either love it, hate it and feel strongly about it. For those of us who are firmly on the absolutely not side, Marmite is a snack that can ruin your whole day with just one smear. It's salty, intense and tastes like misery. The smell alone can clear a room faster than a fire alarm!

Mini pots of trifle!

Trifle is lovely. Proper trifles but mini supermarket trifles are not good. The cream tastes like thick nothing, the jelly always feels warm, even when it's been in the fridge and the sponge is somehow both soggy and dry at the same time, which shouldn't be possible. Every layer feels like it belongs to a different dessert.

Cup a Soup (especially Tomato)!

I love a comforting soup but Cup a Soup is something else. The tomato flavour tastes like someone tried to liquefy ketchup and accidentally added dust. It's got that weird powdery aftertaste and it never mixes properly! You always end up with little clumps floating around. If you want soup, make soup.

Pork Scratchings!

A pub classic but also a dental hazard. When they're good, they’re crunchy, salty and satisfying. When they're not good, they’re rock hard, painfully salty and sharp enough to cause an injury. Some even have hair on them. Eww!

Rice Cakes (Especially Plain Ones!)

Rice cakes are one of those snacks people pretend to enjoy when they're being healthy but they taste like air. Flavoured ones are fine, but the plain ones just make me sad. You might as well chew on cardboard. At least cardboard has texture.

Twiglets!

I'm sorry if you love them, I really am but Twiglets taste like burnt Marmite on a stick. They're crunchy but they also taste like they were designed to test if you really are a snack lover. Marmite is already controversial enough, we didn't need a crunchy version trying to ruin our days too!

If you love any of these, no judgement, you're braver than me. I am sure some of these snacks were invented as a dare. Now I'm curious, what's the worst snack you've ever tried?