Baby Loss Awareness Week - My Story!

We are coming to the end of Baby Loss Awareness Week. It’s been an opportunity for parents, their families and friends to acknowledge and remember the precious babies who have died. It has also been a way to break the silence around pregnancy or baby loss in the UK 

It is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Among women who know they are pregnant it is estimated that 1 in 6 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I made up one of these statistics.

Before I fell pregnant with Becky I lost a baby. It was an horrendous experience and may be triggering so don't read on if you may be upset about things like this. I understand.

I fell pregnant in the May/June of 2001. It was planned not that it makes any difference to the story. Everything was going great. I had passed the 12 week stage and had, had my first scan. The baby looked fine but they did notice that I had a Bicornuate (heart-shaped) womb. 

Women with a bicornuate womb have no extra difficulties with conception or in early pregnancy but there is a slightly higher risk of miscarriage and preterm birth. I was not worried in the slightest and the doctors and the midwives weren't. I was quite the novelty. I had about 6 trainee midwives looking at me. lol

A week or so had passed and then I started bleeding. It started off just as pink discharge and started to get a little heavier. The receptionist at my doctors was quite blunt and said it sounded like a miscarriage and got me booked in for a scan at the hospital. 

Sat in the waiting room waiting to go in for the scan it didn't even cross my mind that I could be loosing the baby. As much as I was bleeding I wasn't worrying. I thought the heart-shaped womb was just the cause. I had the scan and there was no heartbeat. It was checked and double checked and there was nothing.

I was about 13 weeks along. They said the baby hadn't grown since the last scan. So the chances are it died just after I'd had my 12 week scan.

I was booked in for a D&C (dilation and curettage) the next morning. There wasn't any talk about letting things happen naturally I never thought to ask.

Telling people I had lost the baby was the worst. Getting off the bus from the hospital we saw my then partners brother. He knew we were going to the hospital but I don't think why. He said something jokey and I just snapped at him and walked away. My dad hadn't been overjoyed that I was pregnant to start with and I was quite bitter so when I told him I said something along the lines of "you'll be happy now, I've lost the baby". It was cruel. He wasn't happy. Far from it. He cried and he is a man that rarely cries. 

I went into hospital on the morning and was told I would be first in theater at around 8am. I was given a tablet to put up inside of me to start the process of opening my cervix at about 7am and it started to work soon after. The bleeding and the pain got heavier and worse. 8am, 9am and 10am came around. I was in agony. I was soaking through normal thick sanitary pads in minutes. I sat on the loo and there was clots and chunks coming out of me. 

The midwives were amazing. They were disgusted and shocked that I hadn't been to theatre already. There was nothing they could do apart from give me painkillers and comfort me which the did. They were truly amazing.

Emergency c-sections and surgeries were more important which I totally understand but at the time I didn't. In my head all I could feel and see were bits of my baby coming out of my. Talking about it rationally afterwards it was the lining of my womb coming away. 

I finally got took the theater at lunchtime. I came around from the anesthetic and felt like it had all been a nightmare, just a really bad dream. I felt so relieved that it was all over. I had something to eat and my mam & dad picked me up and took me home.

I was told that in a few weeks I could make an appointment and have a chat about why I had lost the baby. They would have done tests by then on what they had taken out of my womb. I never went back. In hindsight I wished I had. Since having two girls with heart defects it always has me wondering did that baby have a problem with their heart too? The doctors have said that I may be unable to carry boys and that is why I lost this baby. It could have been a boy? I like to think it was.

Our weekly meal plan! 14th - 20th October. #MealPlanningMonday

Last weeks meal plan went OK. I swapped a few days around but we ate everything. 

I failed a bit with the weekly food shop. I was coming down with a cold when I ordered it on Thursday and had no interest in spending time in the kitchen. I still have a snotty nose but I feel much better now. This week is going to be all about lazy, can't be bothered cooking. I don't care, the less time I spend preparing food the less chance I have passing my germs on.

This week on the menu we have:

Monday - Tomato soup with ham sandwiches to dip in.

Tuesday - Jacket potatoes with baked beans.

Wednesday - Chicken nuggets, chips and baked beans.

Thursday - Broccoli pasta.

Friday - Pizza.

Saturday - Burgers in buns with fries.

Sunday - A casserole of some sort.

What are you eating this week?

Gaining confidence in the kitchen. #MySundaySnapshot

Ellie is really enjoying her cookery lessons at school and they are really giving her confidence in the kitchen at home. She finds it so easy now to follow a recipe and weigh out ingredients and put things in and get things out of the oven. 

Yesterday she wanted to bake but I was full of cold so I said ask your dad to supervise and of course he did. He just stood there while she baked and helped with the tidying up.

She made the most amazing cookies with Smarties in. I am rubbish at making cookies so it was a real treat! 

Week 41 of #Project365 - A photo every day for a year!

Doing Project 365 makes me very aware of how close we are to the end of the year. Week 41 already. This year really has flown over. I feel like it's also the time of year when I really struggle to take photos. It's grey and wet and I have caught a cold off the kids so I'm feeling pretty rubbish so that hasn't helped. As I write this (yesterday) it's pouring down, I am hiding inside, still in my pj's, watching TV and feeling quite sorry for myself. I'm sure I'll be fine in a couple of days.

Now for a photo every day!

276/365 - 5th October

My fella bought some socks from the local auction. 30 odd pairs, brand new for a few pounds. They're quite thick too so perfect for this weather.

277/365 - 6th October

I started to watch Breaking Bad again. I've seen it all before but thought I would rewatch it and then watch the new film.

278/365 - 7th October

I was walking to my dad's and snapped this photo of the grey, wet weather. About 2 minutes later I came across a dead dear right in the middle of the path. It was horrific and had obviously been hit by a car. I contacted the council and asked them to remove it. Whoever did just pushed it into the hedge. It wasn't removed until Thursday. I know we live in the countryside and these things happen, a dead rabbit or bird is fine but seeing a huge dead deer is something else!

279/365 - 8th October

Ellie made savoury tarts at school. While she was measuring out the ingredients she was dead against even trying them because they had celery in but she tried them and actually loved them, so much so we're planning to make them at home ourselves.

280/365 - 9th October

The Halloween costumes are sorted. Ellie is going to be a zombie prom queen and Becky a zombie cheerleader!

281/365 - 10th October

I was freezing on Thursday. It was the start of me coming down with a cold. The hot water bottle was hunted out, filled and I spent all day with it keeping me warm.

282/365 - 11th October

Halls Soothers, the only thing that was helping my sore throat.

You are invited to the Inlinkz link party!

Click here to enter

This week my Word of the Week is: Friends. #WotW

This week my Word of the Week is:

In last weeks Word of the Week post I said how Ellie had been as good as gold with playing out with her friends, coming back on time and letting us know where she was. That didn't last long. On Friday she didn't come home when she should and I sent Stu to get her from the park. She wasn't there so he rang her and she lied saying she was at the park. She was well and truly caught out. It turns out she was at her friends house. Grr! She was grounded all weekend. I answered the door to about 10 different children at different times saying she won't be playing out. It did make me smile that she has so many different friends and they all want her to play out.

She's played out twice this past week and both times has been home on time. This time I think she might have learned her lesson or the threat that if she doesn't come home when she's supposed to she won't be going out on Halloween night. hehehe

The kids have been planning Halloween. They have decided they're going out trick or treating with their friends. Stu and I are not invited. Hmmf. It will be their first year going without us but I am sure they'll be fine. From what I've heard from my girls friends Halloween is a big thing here. I ordered them a costume each. Becky will be a zombie cheerleader and Ellie a zombie prom queen. They are so excited.

Ellie's new best friend has been off school for a couple of days this week poorly and I was a little worried when I heard. At Ellie's old school if her best friend was off school Ellie was a little lost without her but Ellie said I needn't worry at this school because she has lots of other friends. Phew!

Early on in the week I got a phone call from my best friend from Northumberland. We hadn't spoke for a couple of months so it was lovely to catch up. She is honestly the only thing I miss about Ashington. Stu and I are already planning a trip back up North next year and we will be sure to visit her.

Becky was supposed to be out with her friends tomorrow but since she's wasted all her money at college I've said no. She has spent over £25 this past week, mostly on pop and crisps, she was only in college 3 days! She takes a packed lunch so it's not like she's going hungry and thirsty. She wanted another £30 to go to town and I've had to be tough on her. I've said instead of going to town she can go to work tomorrow and earn some money! Then I will give her, her pocket money during the week. She has to learn that to get money she has to earn it and I don't have an endless money tree in the back garden.