I used to love wearing shorts, when I was a teenager and even in my 20's I had a cracking pair of legs. I put it down to all the horse riding that I used to do. Now, in my mid forties with a body that’s lived a life, birthed children and developed a fondness for late night snacks the idea of slipping into a pair of shorts, especially the kind that go above the knee makes me want to run for cover. This is not a pity party, I don't want compliments, it's just a bit of truth from me about how I feel!
It’s not even about the weather. It could be 30 degrees and I’ll still be thinking that I know I should wear shorts but I just don't. The sun might be blazing but the moment I put on shorts my brain kicks into a self conscious overdrive. I look in the mirror and suddenly it’s not just my legs I see, it’s the cellulite, the stretch marks, the veins, the scars from shaving mishaps and then the voice that lives in the back of my head pipes up with you really should have started moisturising daily when you were twenty!
I know it’s silly. It is everywhere online about body positivity. I know we’re all supposed to embrace our bodies and love our flaws but sometimes that feels like a massive ask when I’m stood looking in the mirror. The truth is I hate showing off my legs. I’m overweight and I carry most of it in my thighs so shorts especially the shorter ones make me feel exposed in all the wrong ways. They ride up when I walk, they cling in weird places when I sit down and they always make me second guess myself.
When I catch sight of women my age and older confidently strolling in shorts without a second thought I feel this strange mix of admiration and envy. I want to be like that. I want to get to the point where I can say, this is my body, these are my legs. They’ve walked me through life, they’ve climbed hills, danced in kitchens, stood for hours making dinner for my kids. They deserve the breeze!
Maybe one day I’ll get there. Maybe this summer I’ll start small with the safe, just above the knee pair I bought last year but haven’t had the courage to wear out. Maybe I’ll pair them with a long, floaty top and pretend I’m someone who totally wears shorts all the time or maybe I’ll stick to my trusty 3/4 length leggings. Either way I’m learning not to beat myself up about it. Shorts or no shorts, my worth is not measured by the skin I show.
Do you wear shorts?
I do wear shorts. I am heavier than I was a few years ago and sometimes that threatens to derail me. Here is what I tell myself and maybe it will help you: no one who sees you when you're out cares that you're wearing shorts and that your legs aren't perfect. The vast majority of people's legs aren't perfect- like 99 percent! No one expects to see perfect and to the extent yours aren't, that puts in the company of most. People will look at you and see a woman in shorts. Nothing less and nothing more. I think you should wear the shorts but... that's just my opinion :).
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