I’ve realised something about myself lately, I talk to myself. Not just in my head but out loud and I do it a lot! My family think I am crazy for it and are always asking "what are you saying? are you talking to me?" I'm not, I'm talking to myself, sometimes in a whisper and sometimes in a full voice. I used to think this was something to be embarrassed about but the more I notice it, the more I understand how much it helps me.
I think the habit must have started when my girls were young. Like so many parents I used to narrate everything I was doing for the benefit of them. It was a way to teach them to speak and to make the world a little more understandable. What I didn’t realise was that this running commentary would linger long after the kids no longer needed it. Now that they’re older I seem to keep myself company instead.
Talking to myself has become a comforting background noise. When I’m tidying up I’ll say aloud what I need to do next. Hang the washing out and then I will wash the dishes. It’s not that I’d forget these things but speaking them out loud gives them a sort of reality. If I hear something I am more likely to act on it and do what I need to do!
It’s also a form of thinking aloud. When I’m faced with a decision I talk through the options as if explaining them to someone else. Of course, there is no one else in the room but hearing my own reasoning helps me clarify what I really think. It’s as though speaking the words untangles my thoughts. What felt confusing inside my head sounds simple and clear when I have spoken it out loud.
Then there are the pep talks which I give myself all of the time. On tired mornings when I really don’t feel like getting out of bed I’ll mutter to myself "Come on, get up and just get moving!!" Later on in the day I might say "Come on finish mopping the bathroom floor and then you can have a sit down." I motivate myself with these little chats.
Not all of my self talk is so purposeful. Sometimes it’s just sheer habit. You’ll often hear me sighing "stupid thing" when a cupboard won’t close properly or muttering "why are these lids so stupid?" when trying to open a jar of something. When I do manage something particularly difficult without swearing I tell myself "well done!" I praise myself and why not?
What surprises me most is how much this talking to me helps me feel less alone during the day. My house is empty a lot of the time. With one girl at work or sleeping for work and the other at college or out with friends I often find myself in a quiet house. I used to find that silence unsettling but now talking to myself fills that empty space. There are moments when I catch myself talking to myself and wonder what an outsider would think. Would people assume I’d finally lost the plot but then I remind myself that so many of us do this maybe not everyone admits it but I’m certain it’s more common than we realise. I think it’s a perfectly natural way to manage the noise of life, to organise our thoughts and to add a little humour into the everyday.
So yes, I talk to myself. I no longer feel silly about it, I embrace it because if I can be my own best company and my own motivator that seems like a pretty useful life skill to me!
Do you talk to yourself out loud? Do you find it strange?
