Mother’s Day with mixed feelings!

Mother’s Day is coming up this Sunday and every year I have this weird mix of feelings about it. It’s always been a bit of a strange one for me. For some people, it’s all flowers, breakfast in bed, the perfect card and those cheesy my mum is my best friend photos on social media and for others it’s complicated, emotional or just a day they’d rather skip completely. For me, I am somewhere in the middle.

I don’t have a mum to celebrate with any more and even when I did, we didn't have the best relationship. She wasn’t the kind of mum who was always there or who gave hugs and reassurances when I needed them. I learnt a lot about what not to do from her. Towards the end of her life she made choices I didn't agree with and there was no relationship at all. I’m OK with that now but I wasn’t OK with it for a long time. I used to be that person who would block emails from every company sending out Mother’s Day reminders. It used to feel like a punch in the gut, a reminder of what I didn’t have. It took me a while to figure out that Mother’s Day doesn’t have to look like a Hallmark card to have meaning. Now it’s about the life I’ve built, the girls I’ve raised and the woman I’ve grown into along the way. That to me is the best gift ever!

Being a mum is something you can’t really prepare for. You can read all the books, watch all the videos, take every piece of advice and still nothing really prepares you for it. One minute it’s just you and the next you’re responsible for a whole human being who relies on you for everything. Mother’s Day always makes me think back to those early days: the endless nappies, the feeding schedules and the kind of tired where you lose track of the days. I poured so much of myself into being a mum back then, often without even realising and looking back I feel proud of that.

Not having a great relationship with my own mum meant I didn’t have a clear example to follow. I didn’t have anyone to ring up and ask Is this normal? Or what would you do? Most of my mothering came from instinct, trial and error and a promise to myself that I’d do things differently where I could. Mother’s Day makes me think about that a lot. It’s not about comparing myself to other mums or feeling like I’m falling short. It’s about knowing that I showed up even when it was hard. I listened, I learned and I apologised when I got it wrong.

Mother’s Day changes as the kids grow. When the girls were little it was all about the handmade cards, messy scribbles and sticky fingerprints. Now it’s less about the crafts and more about conversations, a hug, a text, a shared laugh and sometimes just being together is enough and I love that.

I’d be lying if I said Mother’s Day was always easy. There’s a mix of emotions, and sometimes the sadness sneaks in when I least expect it. Not because I want to celebrate my own mum but because grief has a way of just turning up. Social media doesn’t help either. Every scroll is full of captions about mums being their kids everything. Over the years I’ve learnt to step back from that and just focus on my girls and me. Mother’s Day has taken on a whole new meaning thanks to my girls. I love the small indulgences, the extra attention, the cups of tea brought to me without me having to ask and the silly little treats that make the day feel special. It makes me think about how I mother my girls the best I can, even when it’s hard.

Mother’s Day is all about the family I’ve built, the lessons I’ve learned and the strength I didn’t know I had until I needed it. It’s not about my past. It’s about my present. It’s about being a mum who shows up, keeps learning and loves her girls!