The unhelpful thoughts that keep me awake at night!

You’d think that after a long day sleep would just happen. When I was a kid I could nod off anywhere with a half-eaten biscuit in my hand but now I get into bed, get all comfy and then my brain goes into overdrive. It’s like my brain waits all day to do this. Why can't it happen mid-afternoon when I am not trying to sleep and can deal with these thoughts? These are just some of the unhelpful thoughts that keep me awake at night!

The first thing that always happens is that I will get a sudden panic about the front door. I could’ve watched myself lock it with my own two eyes but the second I’m tucked in bed the doubt kicks in. Did I lock it? Are you sure? and there I am, dragging myself downstairs just to find everything perfectly secure. As I shuffle back upstairs, I always tell myself next time I'll trust myself but I never do!

Then comes the sleep maths. I don’t know who invented the habit of counting how many hours you’ll get if you fall asleep right this second but I’d like to have a firm word with them and tell them they're stupid. I’ll lie there staring into the dark thinking, if I fall asleep now, I’ll get seven hours and fourteen minutes, then ten minutes pass and it's only seven hours and four minutes and then I start stressing about the stress of stressing about sleep, which definitely doesn’t help!

Just when I think I’ve calmed myself down, pops the classic what if the alarm doesn’t go off? So I check it. Then I check it again. Then I start worrying that I had set it for the wrong day or accidentally set it for 7pm instead of 7am because apparently that’s something I would do despite never having done it in my entire life. Then I double-check the volume even though it’s loud enough to wake the entire street and probably the next one over.

My brain will then suddenly decide it’s the perfect time to remind me of everything on tomorrow’s to-do list. One minute I’m thinking about what to wear tomorrow, what jobs I have to do and the next minute I’m planning on how great it would be to go on a walk and see the sun rise. It’s an absolute fantasy, because if I struggle to get up at 7.30am now, I doubt I would ever get up to see the sun rise.

By now you’d think I’d know what my house sounds like. We've lived here about 6 years but every little crack or thud becomes a full paranormal investigation. Instead of sleeping, I’m lying there trying to convince myself that it’s probably just the pipes while also remembering that creepy TikTok I watched earlier like an idiot.

Then one of two things will happen: I will either get a little bit thirsty or need the toilet. I don't want to get out of bed for either and will lay there waiting to see if it's just my brain playing tricks. If I just ignore it, maybe the feeling will go away but it never does. I will get up, have a drink and make sure to go to the toilet because I know I better do it then or I will need it after I get comfy in bed again. lol.

When I get back into bed, I’m wide awake again, refreshed by the walk to the bathroom. Our bathroom is downstairs at the back of the house so it's quite a trek. Then the whole cycle starts again: sleep maths, alarm panic, random thoughts and house noises! What fun! If your brain also throws out these unhelpful thoughts at bedtime, just know you’re very much not the only one lying there having a full conversation with yourself. One day I will be like my fella who manages to fall asleep quite easily. As soon as his head hits the pillow, he's out for the count!

Do you fall asleep easily?