Tuesday 15 October 2019

Baby Loss Awareness Week - My Story!

We are coming to the end of Baby Loss Awareness Week. It’s been an opportunity for parents, their families and friends to acknowledge and remember the precious babies who have died. It has also been a way to break the silence around pregnancy or baby loss in the UK 

It is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Among women who know they are pregnant it is estimated that 1 in 6 pregnancies end in miscarriage. I made up one of these statistics.

Before I fell pregnant with Becky I lost a baby. It was an horrendous experience and may be triggering so don't read on if you may be upset about things like this. I understand.

I fell pregnant in the May/June of 2001. It was planned not that it makes any difference to the story. Everything was going great. I had passed the 12 week stage and had, had my first scan. The baby looked fine but they did notice that I had a Bicornuate (heart-shaped) womb. 

The difference between a Bicornuate (heart-shaped) womb and a normal womb

Women with a bicornuate womb have no extra difficulties with conception or in early pregnancy but there is a slightly higher risk of miscarriage and preterm birth. I was not worried in the slightest and the doctors and the midwives weren't. I was quite the novelty. I had about 6 trainee midwives looking at me. lol

A week or so had passed and then I started bleeding. It started off just as pink discharge and started to get a little heavier. The receptionist at my doctors was quite blunt and said it sounded like a miscarriage and got me booked in for a scan at the hospital. 

Sat in the waiting room waiting to go in for the scan it didn't even cross my mind that I could be loosing the baby. As much as I was bleeding I wasn't worrying. I thought the heart-shaped womb was just the cause. I had the scan and there was no heartbeat. It was checked and double checked and there was nothing.

I was about 13 weeks along. They said the baby hadn't grown since the last scan. So the chances are it died just after I'd had my 12 week scan.

I was booked in for a D&C (dilation and curettage) the next morning. There wasn't any talk about letting things happen naturally I never thought to ask.

Telling people I had lost the baby was the worst. Getting off the bus from the hospital we saw my then partners brother. He knew we were going to the hospital but I don't think why. He said something jokey and I just snapped at him and walked away. My dad hadn't been overjoyed that I was pregnant to start with and I was quite bitter so when I told him I said something along the lines of "you'll be happy now, I've lost the baby". It was cruel. He wasn't happy. Far from it. He cried and he is a man that rarely cries. 

I went into hospital on the morning and was told I would be first in theater at around 8am. I was given a tablet to put up inside of me to start the process of opening my cervix at about 7am and it started to work soon after. The bleeding and the pain got heavier and worse. 8am, 9am and 10am came around. I was in agony. I was soaking through normal thick sanitary pads in minutes. I sat on the loo and there was clots and chunks coming out of me. 

The midwives were amazing. They were disgusted and shocked that I hadn't been to theatre already. There was nothing they could do apart from give me painkillers and comfort me which the did. They were truly amazing.

Emergency c-sections and surgeries were more important which I totally understand but at the time I didn't. In my head all I could feel and see were bits of my baby coming out of my. Talking about it rationally afterwards it was the lining of my womb coming away. 

I finally got took the theater at lunchtime. I came around from the anesthetic and felt like it had all been a nightmare, just a really bad dream. I felt so relieved that it was all over. I had something to eat and my mam & dad picked me up and took me home.

I was told that in a few weeks I could make an appointment and have a chat about why I had lost the baby. They would have done tests by then on what they had taken out of my womb. I never went back. In hindsight I wished I had. Since having two girls with heart defects it always has me wondering did that baby have a problem with their heart too? The doctors have said that I may be unable to carry boys and that is why I lost this baby. It could have been a boy? I like to think it was.


  1. Sorry you went through this. I lost two babies too, in-between my girls. One was managed at hospital so wasn't too bad, the second was a disaster. I was bleeding so went to hospital, they put me on the abortion ward at wansbeck of all places, they said everything fine (they only done a blood test) but we will send you to rake lane in a few days for a scan (where all the pregnant people were). I bled for days and went to the scan where they said you have lost the baby wait for nature to work - it took 7 days before I lost it at home.I was about 11 weeks gone and it was awful as I lost so much blood. You never forget do you, even after all the time that passes xx

  2. How absolutely heart breaking. Sincere condolences.

  3. It's a horror thing to go through, I hope you help others with your account. I still find it difficult to talk about baby loss, as I went through years of fertility tests, that resulted in many early miscarriages x

  4. Miscarriage is so difficult isn't it. I lost one just before I got pregnant with Star. I bled all the way through my pregnancy with Star and at 29 week I had a bleed so bad they thought I was going to lose her and I was admitted to the maternity ward and given steroids to give her the best chance of survival. The next day I'd stopped bleeding, the baby was okay and I carried her for another 9 weeks. I always thought of her as my little miracle. x

  5. It's horrible however it happens. Thanks for sharing your story xx

  6. Such a heartbreaking experience to go through thank u for sharing so others feel less alone if they are going through something similar.

  7. So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.

  8. what a horrible trauma for you. Such a pity you did not feel you could go back for a possible answer, but would not have changed the outcome.
    Have to be honest and say I did not know wombs came in different shapes.
    Amazing how mean we can be to our nearest and dearest when we are hurting ourselves