Saturday 6 July 2013

Those Annoying Facebook Friends....

You’ve got way too many Facebook friends. You know how it is...That girl from nursery who added you....That odd bloke from the evening class you took in 2009....Your parents.


 They’re tremendously irritating, but you put up with them. Because we’re all annoying and all stuck with each other.

The girl who always tells you to “Like and share if you’re against cancer...

90% of people don’t have the guts to change their FB status. One Like = One Prayer.” What they’re really saying is “Pay me some attention or you’re wishing cancer upon all your loved ones. I’ll give them cancer! Acknowledge me, dammit!

The stupido who always falls for the latest scam...

Every time without fail. Giant spiders, Satanic soft drink logos, coughing to ward off heart attacks. But don’t bother correcting them - they’ll only get defensive. “I was only trying to raise awareness!”

The Facebook gaming addict (That's Me :p)...

Mastered Fruit Ninja and Farmville and Candy Crush, but never the privacy settings, so your FB feed turns into a fruit machine of high scores and unlocked “achievements”

The lady who likes to make vague, angsty cries for help...

Generally starts with ‘inspirational quotes’, then escalates into nonspecific attention-seeking behaviour

The poor schmuck in a competition that depends on votes...

“Pleeeease like me, pleeeeeeeease. I know you already clicked like eight times and now you’re drowning in spam, but I really want this iPod.

 The couple who share one account...

There is no excuse for this unless you’re over 60. So icky - don’t you know it’s like you’re making whimsical comments while wearing a latex mask of your partner’s face?

A ‘novelty’ account for a pet / foetus / pre-vocal child...

No. As a hamster you lack the language skills necessary to impart anything worthwhile to my life. With kids, the same applies, but also at some point they’ll get it together enough to be embarrassed at this weird, fantasy version of them that you’re showing to the world.

Someone who has genuinely achieved something worthwhile in their life...

These people are the worst. They should stop making us feel bad

The drama queen who’s always dramatically flouncing off.....

But can’t resist instantly coming back to see what effect he’s had.


P.S These are about no body in particular on my Facebook friends list....If you think it's about you you're just paranoid!

2 comments :

  1. This made me laugh, my husband doesn't want a facebook account but will quite happily log into mine to see what everyone is up to!

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  2. hahaha I laughed so much at the couple account, so true!!!

    ReplyDelete