Wednesday 15 November 2017

Feeling left out at school....

A couple of weeks ago at school Ellie and her class were doing an activity. The had to write on a paper hand how they felt about school and Ellie wrote "I don't belong at this school" or something very similar. Someone saw this and showed the head teacher. 

The head teacher had a chat with Ellie and she just clammed up like she does. She wouldn't say anything. As soon as I found out what had happened I had a chat with Ellie....It was honestly like pulling teeth to get anything out of her but the gist of it is that she sometimes feels left out at school....

A girl in Ellie's class is having a birthday party. All of the girls out of the class were invited apart from Ellie and another girl....There is a trip to somewhere and a sleepover. I don't want to say Ellie is being excluded because of her suspected Autism but it really feels like it as the other girl not invited has additional needs too...Why just exclude two of the girls. It's just cruel!

Ellie is in Year 6. The children are 10 and 11 years old. Friendship groups are made....I get at this age that not everyone is friends with everyone. Not everyone gets an invite to the party...Ellie understands this but all the girls apart from her and the other girl have been talking about the party and it has left Ellie feeling a little left out. I know I would feel the same too. 

Then when we were at soft play a couple of weeks ago we saw Ellie's old best friend. She moved schools when she moved house and she was telling Ellie all about how wonderful her new school was and how she made lots of fab friends....

I think these two things have came together and made Ellie feel like this about school. Ellie doesn't have a best friend that is a girl and she really want's one. As much as the girls talk to her they don't involve her fully in things....

Up until about year 4 Ellie played with the boys....They accepted her then they all got to an age where the boys and girls separate and then Ellie was left out in the cold. The boys didn't want her and the girls were already the best of friends. Ellie is struggling to fit in.....

I have told Ellie to just wait until she goes to the secondary school.....She will meet a lot of new people and find real friends. It happened with Becky....Out of about 30 people in year 6 she only speaks to a couple of them now but has a whole heap of new friends....

We went and had a chat with the head teacher who was worried about Ellie....The head is all about everyone being included and it's breaking her heart to think Ellie feels left out. She mentioned that she got Ellie to choose the hymn a few weeks ago in the assembly and saw how her face lit up and how happy she was to feel included....

The head said she's going to do some little things around school to make Ellie feel needed and appreciated. I did stress to her that I didn't want any of the other kids to notice the "special treatment" Ellie may get....Ellie hates being the centre of attention and is even reluctant to put her hand up to ask to go to the toilet in case people look at her....

Due to Ellie having suspected Autism a lovely lady comes once a week and works with Ellie helping with her emotional needs at school and has had a chat to her about the party and the feelings about not being included....Ellie doesn't like speaking about her emotions to most people but has really opened up to this woman so fingers crossed she can help....


  1. Poor Ellie, how sad she feels like this. Those ladies who come to talk to them at school really do help though. At my daughter's school they have Place2Be where they can go and talk to someone about anything at all. I'm constantly finding appointment slips in my girl's blazer. It makes me sad to think she has so much she needs to talk about but also happy that she has somewhere to go. Of course if it's something serious we are contacted and we have a review every term with them. i think Ellie will be okay at secondary school so long as they understand her needs. There are plenty of new children to make friends with. My daughter barely talked to anyone in primary but has a few good friends in Secondary, most of them are autistic like her, but it's good they stick together as they must understand each other better. As for parties, we've had this for years, only Boo gets party invites, but weirdly enough when we had a party for her all the girl's she chose to invite were special needs, I guess she's more understanding having an older autistic sister. Sorry for rambling on, I just wanted you to know that I understand what you are all going through and I'm sure things will get better, in the mean time, big hugs to Ellie xx

    1. Aww! I feel so sad for your girl but at least she has somewhere to talk. It is good that our girls have people to talk too. There was nothing like that when I was at school.
      It's great that she has found new friends. I am hoping the same happens to Ellie. It just seems a long time until September to find out. Thank you Anne xx

  2. Oh poor Ellie. I went exactly through the same thing with my daughter who has just gone into year 7. You are so spot on about everything. Olivia experienced the same thing. Going to secondary school has totally changed her for the better. She has new friends who accept her for who she is not like in primary school. She too has suspected autism and our school nurse has just referred us. It's so sad she is excluded from things. I know how you both feel as we have been through it too. I really hope she can hold on until secondary and not let it get to her too much as hard as it is. I would be more than happy for you to get in touch for her to chat to Olivia of you want to. Olivia would love to help her. Sending you both lots of love x

    1. I think it is just a case of hanging on in there until my girl starts year 7 and hope that things change. There's about 7 or 8 primary schools which feed into the secondary so there is hope!
      You sound like you're at the same stage as us with the suspected autism. The school nurse referred us and we're waiting for the next appointment. We've been told we have an 18 week wait but thankfully our head teacher is going to try and rush things along.
      Aww! Thank you! You are so kind. Sending love and hugs x

  3. It breaks my heart, children are cruel but the parents! They should know better, to exclude a child is just cruel. I do agree that when she does to secondary she will make new friends. My very best friend is from secondary school, not primary xxx

    1. The less I say about the parents the better. lol We're just hanging on in there until September when she starts secondary school. It's not that long when you take off all the holidyas. hehehe
      Thank you x

  4. Poor Ellie! My heart was breaking for her reading this. It's very wrong to invite all the girls in the class apart from two to a party. If you're inviting that many kids anyway, you could definitely invite another two! It wouldn't seem so bad if five or six were left out, that would be understandable. But only two seems so unfair.
    It's lovely to hear that the head teacher is finding ways to help Ellie feel included and that she can open up to the lady who visits her in school.

  5. I have just read you diary and it must have been so hard for Ellie and yourselves and i am so glad that you have a head teacher who is helping