Tuesday 21 February 2023

I had a bit of the January blues.

I wrote this at the beginning of this month, it's not a pity party, I just wanted to share a bit of my real life and how sometimes it is easy to look happy on the outside but not so good on the inside. I am feeling much better now but wrote this when I wasn't feeling as good. I really am OK now and back to my normal self, no need to worry!

Dark cloud

I started the year off really positively, decorating the bathroom and making plans but then things went downhill. I had the whole hoo-ha with the doctors and getting my implant replaced and I had almost a week of not being able to do much and that really knocked me.

I have had a few of weeks of feeling like rubbish. It makes me chuckle to myself that I can tell when I am feeling down because I shy away from Instagram. There were 5 days between photos at one point, usually I post at least one a day. I forced myself to do the Hedwig Lego set and I wouldn't say it it brought me out of my mood but it did help. It gave me some motivation. 

Putting HP Lego together and cookies

I would say the majority of me feeling down has been brought on by myself. I really haven't helped myself get out of the rut I have got into. I have been staying up far too late and not getting enough sleep. When I don't get enough sleep I always get a headache which I've had and I have been feeling anxious which means that I haven't been eating properly during the day. By the time I think about getting something to eat it has been coming on for 3pm and then I think I will just have a packet of crisps or a chocolate bar to see me over until tea time. Being anxious means that I can't concentrate and I have been thinking the worst about everything. I've not been exercising which has made me feel rubbish about myself and I have only been going out when I really have to. 

I know what I should be doing to look after myself but sometimes it's hard, really hard. I am doing the bare minimum to keep up the facade of being OK. I am eating with my family, keeping the house tidy, keeping the blog posts coming and putting on a smile when I need to.

I wouldn't say I am depressed, I am just having a down time. The drama at the doctors really took it out of me physically and mentally. I have a real fear of doctors and it is taking me some time to bounce back. I have turned a corner over the last couple of days. When I am feeling down I like to buy things and that makes me feel better. I know it's not an ideal solution but I ordered things for the garden, cake to come with the shopping and I have been planning the holiday we're having at the end of the summer.

Life sometimes is rubbish for no real reason.

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7 comments :

  1. Jennifer Jain21 February 2023 at 08:16

    I'm glad that you're feeling better now and sorry that you had been struggling xx

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  2. Pam21 February 2023 at 16:04

    Being a person that deals with daily pain, chronic pain, I can say, have as many pity parties as you need. Its good for you to do that for a bit, just don't care it too long. Sometimes those pity parties are what helps you regenerate yourself. I have more of those parties than I prob need but hey, it is what it is so do not beat yourself up over it.

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  3. Carol @Comfort Spring Station21 February 2023 at 18:15

    I'm glad you're better. January is a dark month in many places and no sun can make lots of people blue, including me. I'm wishing you bright happy days with lots of good things in life.

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  4. Anca22 February 2023 at 14:23

    I'm sorry to hear you were not feeling ok. It's good that you are better now and that you can open up about your experience. It helps the ones around to understand more and hopefully be supportive in a way that is meaningful for you.
    Sending you virtual hugs. xx

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  5. Ruth23 February 2023 at 00:43

    So sorry to hear that you had such a hard January. I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling better. I also have a terrible fear of doctors and I put things off and then worry really badly. It’s good that you have taken steps to look after yourself and enjoy some small treats. Sometimes it’s little things like that which help a lot. Sending big hugs xxx

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  6. Joanne 23 February 2023 at 21:38

    I think we all have those times where we just feel kind of blah and uninterested in our usual pastimes and fun. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better though.

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  7. Thisiswhereitisat25 February 2023 at 17:47

    It is good you are self aware, but don't be to hard on yourself. You. Baby steps these dark nights and current news is depressing as hell. It is OK not to be happy all the time but it is good you see where you reed to work on and make changed x

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