I have accepted that I am shy. #Blogtober18

Throughout October I will be joining in with Big Family Organised Chaos and her linky for Blogtober18....Today's prompt is: Just Be Yourself.

It may sound ridiculous saying this but I am not a social person even though you can usually find me on social media chatting away.

I have always been a shy person, as a child and now. I have no idea why? My dad is the most confident person you can meet and my mother wasn't confident but she wasn't shy either. My brother isn't shy but I am.

It would be easy to say that because I was bullied at school that is the reason I am shy but it's not. I was bullied because I was the quiet one. I used to take the name calling, talking behind my back and dirty looks but anything more and I would fight back. Bullies used to think because I wouldn't answer them back I wouldn't hit back. They were wrong.

After I had Ellie the health visitor suggested that I should take her to the baby groups and I took her to a few but I hated it. The people weren't the nicest. The thought of going each week would fill me with dread. I am not a people person.

When I meet new people I can come across as stand offish and unfriendly but I am not really like that. I don't mean to be I just struggle to find the words and confidence to say what I want to say. I think this is why I like blogging and social media so much. I can hide behind a screen (not in a nasty way like a troll of course).

There have been times when I have been forced to make small talk with people, when the kids have been invited to parties, family get together and things like parents evenings. I always come home exhausted. Talking to strangers is tiring.

The only time I am confident in speaking is when I have to stand up for my girls. When my girls were being diagnosed with their heart defects. I fought to get them checked, stayed with them in hospital and had to speak to lots and lots of people. As time has gone on I have had arguments with teachers and other parents when I know I am in the right and there is wrong being done to my girls. Then I can find all the words.

The people closest to me accept that I am a quiet person. In a group of my closest friends I will always be called the quiet one. My family are the only one's to see the real me. They know that deep down I am a gobby cow who has lots of opinions and they sometimes struggle to get a word in.

For years I worried about being shy and hated myself for being like this but now I am at a point in my life where I think stuff it! With age comes wisdom. I have accepted that I am shy. I am not going to change and I don't need to. This is me! At my age I don't need to go out an meet new people, I have friends and I don't need to be sociable out of my little circle. Well apart from online. hehehe